Lately I have been struggling with communicating effectively with one specific individual. This struggle goes beyond my normal "oh I am sorry my mind wondered for a moment" fight that sometimes takes place between my ears and my brain. I am in a full blown struggle to understand and be understood. It's really quite terrible at times.
When relationships end you typically hear one party make the statement, "it's not you, it's me..." When I heard that at the end of a relationship I always thought what a nice way that was of saying, "I really can't stand to be around you anymore...hit the road." The difference is this is a relatively new relationship that I would like to cultivate.
The struggle to communicate effectively is felt by both of us. The communication barrier is being built one brick at a time as fast as possible by none other than yours truly. This is a case where it really is "me."
The person I am writing of is in a particular profession that I have had some serious issues with in the past. Notice, I say, profession, not person. The person, as I have gotten to know them is actually very likable. In fact, is very fun to be around and I do enjoy our casual conversations. But when we start talking about business, his profession and what he does, I grab my bricks and mortar and back to building the wall I go. All because of the preconceived ideas that I am carrying over to this person. Now, it's nothing illegal or weird, so that's not an issue. But this is a direct transference of something that happened a long time ago that I am placing on this person in the here and now. Wrong? of course it's wrong, I know that.
Now, you may think you would never do that or be that way with any one that you know, but I am willing to bet that at some point you have. I read recently in another friends blog about people running hot and cold with each other and how to perceive that and handle those mood changes. Those are changes in communication style that may be all about you and your perception and not the other party involved.
You may think that you are a great communicator, but do you harbor any type of feelings that become road blocks for effective communication? ANY TYPE, even the slightest issues can prevent you from achieving good communication with another person. I know I am beginning a process to work through this issue, in the meantime I will try not to use so much effort in building the wall between us and more time in getting over myself.
Thoughts on communication issues are welcome!
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2 comments:
I am trying to understand your purpose in writing this particular entry.
1. You are screwing up a relationship with someone - even though you really want to build that relationship.
2. You readily admit that you are the problem - not the other person.
3. You seem to be trying to use this as a "teaching point" for your readers.
I don't get it.
Anonymous is being a little harsh.
There's nothing wrong with utilizing your blog to help process the feelings you are/were having.
To me, your post demonstrates that you want to be honest with yourself, which for many is a difficult thing to do. You're showing your readers that it's ok to do this.
How is the relationship today?
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