The rules are changing....

Business relationships are funny. Over the last month I have had some pretty unique things happen that have made me really start to reconsider some of my positions on business networking, referral relationships and building relationships among business peers.

Because of some really cool and awesome things going on in my professional as well as personal life I have been traveling more. My schedule fills up quickly with trips, meetings, seminars, school assignments and other life assignments that require my attention. Because I could foresee some of these things taking place earlier this year I made the decision to leave some networking groups and lessen my involvement in a few other groups that required more time and responsibility than I could give them. These groups made requirements of me that really didn’t help my business and made it almost impossible for me to pursue my personal mission and purpose for being on this planet. At the time I really didn’t feel any personal attachment to some of these groups. I did however remain in a couple of groups that I felt were based more on the relational ties I had with the individual members.

Recently, while traveling out of town, I received an email asking that I “resign” from one of these groups because I was not able to meet their attendance requirements. Apparently, I was letting down the entire group by not being there to support everyone else in their endeavors to improve themselves and their businesses. I was okay with the first part because to be honest – it was true, I had not been able to attend as I should have. But it was the last part that struck me as odd. I was not doing enough to support them. Uhmm….

I got to thinking, and reading, and listening. My inbox, text messages, facebook page and voicemail seemed to be filling up with the occasional message here and there from people wanting to know how things were going, where I was traveling to next and in general wishing me well and asking to get back together to “get caught up” as soon as I was back in town and had some free time. What I found most enlightening is that not one of these messages came from this group. The resignation email was the last communication I had from anyone in that group, so I must have really offended them by not supporting them enough. But that leads me to the question…how were they supporting me?

This got me thinking about how we build relationships with people and why we even involve ourselves in groups, organizations and professional networking clubs. This led me to the following questions…

What is our real purpose in becoming involved in groups and organizations?
Do we really need to be involved in multiple groups?
What is gained by the pressure that we put on ourselves to be “actively” involved in so many things?
How deep are the relationships that we are building when we are spending large amounts of time meeting requirements instead of really get to know each other?

I am becoming more and more critical of professional networking as it seems that it has become more and more centered on rules and requirements than on building relationships. It seems like we are desperately trying to participate just for the sake of saying “look at how good I am at being involved,” instead of building quality relationships with people that are genuinely interested in helping each other.

As things start to take shape in my coaching practice and this takes me in a new direction I am still going to be actively networking. I love meeting new people and talking with them about their mission and passion in life. But effective immediately I am throwing all the rules and requirements that I have learned about professional networking out the window and starting from scratch. The professional networking box is one that I don’t want to fit into any longer.

My only requirement now is that we be friends first, foremost and always. Oh yeah and I am requiring that you all get on Facebook and post to my wall every now and again and let me know how you are doing.

From this point forward – friendship and relationships are most important to me….I will let someone else worry about all the rules.

Why friends are always better...

Today I had the great opportunity to have lunch with three friends. These folks started out as being part of some of the same professional networking groups and now we have just kind of evolved into more of a friendship relationship.

Today I learned from this group of friends that:

One has a husband that needs a special type of prescription medicine just to stay alive

One has a husband that shops at Aldi and loves it

One took her soon to be ex-husband's pristine vet out for an afternoon drive in a driving rain and mud storm and let it set for three days so the mud would get nice and solidly set all over it. (note to self, don't ever "unfriend" this friend!)

I learned about their other social activities, what other groups they are in and how they spend their free time.

I learned that one doesn't like to force smiles all the time, because she doesn't want to be fake. I learned that each of them has in their past the opportunity to stand up for themselves in business and did so with lots of class.

We didn't "pass" any business today, there was no pressure to fill out slips, sign attendance sheets or be accountable for or to any weird networking rules. It was just plain fun. We were just being ourselves. We really learned about how we could help each other. We made suggestions and had great, honest discussion about our businesses.

I have done business with two out of the three friends and will look for ways to do business with all of them. Not because of a sense of obligation but because on a Monday they took time out of their business day to have lunch and just chat.

It was great fun and I am looking forward to the next time we get together. At the end of the lunch we didn't all whip out our calendars and set our next date...we simply left each other with a see you soon, have a great week departure.

Yes, we will definitely be getting back together soon, no doubt about it....that's what friends do. And in business friend relationships are always the better relationship to have! You can move mountains when you have friends - they are always better!